In the year leading up to finally finding the courage to go through with freezing my eggs, I often wondered how I would feel once it’s finally done.
I’m sure everyone has different thoughts and feelings when they finish going through this process, mainly because we all approach it differently, and for different reasons. For me, this was quite emotional.
A year and half ago, if you’d asked me what I would be doing in February 2015, I would have told you that I would most likely have an IVF baby with my husband (we were in the midst of fertility treatments when we called it off). The scariest thing about ending my marriage was the fear of never becoming a mom. 35 is not a great age to get a divorce and start over if you don’t have babies yet. So the whirlwind of such a dramatic lifestyle change took its toll, and I put a lot of emotional stock into freezing my girls.
When I started writing about this journey, I outlined my mission for redefining birth control and explained why I was doing this in the first place. One of the first things I wrote was that ‘in order to preserve my sense of freedom, I have to do all I can to preserve my fertility.‘
What I meant by that is that single or not, my biological clock felt like a time bomb. And as much as I’ve always said I’d rather be alone than in a broken relationship, I also knew that time was running out – I was quickly heading past my prime child bearing years and that was a fact that would loom over my head as I went back out into single-hood. To truly feel independent, and like I wasn’t rushing from one relationship to the next, I had to get proactive about my fertility.
So, I finally froze my eggs, and by doing so, suspended my relatively young eggs in time. As a result, while I know this is not a guarantee (what in life is?) I feel liberated from the shackles of my biological clock. No more fretting about when I’m going to meet someone, no more anxiety as time just slips away. I can finally enjoy my life for what it is: independent, free, and most importantly, mine to do as I please!
So, what’s next?
Well, I’m going to keep writing this blog. I’m going to keep shouting about Birth Control 2.0© and about the fact that healthcare needs to include fertility treatments more systematically. I’m going to give some thought to what motherhood on my own might be like (though I’m not quite ready to commit to being a single parent just yet). I’ll continue to seek professional and personal fulfillment by doing whatever I please. I’m going to travel, love, live and finally just enjoy the moments, enjoy the now, and stop constantly wondering what the future holds.
Stay tuned for life after the harvest. . .
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