Just before I began my egg freeze cycle, I went on a date with a boy.
The irony is that I met this boy while at dinner with a dear friend in Brooklyn, whom I was telling that I wanted to be single for a while. Really, honestly, no strings attached, don’t-give-a-shit about relationships, single. That same night, I met a nice, funny, charming, handsome (and slightly younger) man.
Soon after, I went on a date with him and had a nice time. Then I started my egg freeze cycle and fell off the face of the earth.
He called, he texted, he called again. We set up several dates, all of which I flaked on. Our first and only date was on January 1st. It’s now the end of February, and bless him, he has continued to pursue me.
Tonight, he finally called me and asked me to cut the bullshit. ‘Are you interested in seeing me or not?’ While I’m not sure what the answer to that question is, of course, my answer was ‘yes, I would love to see you, I’ve just been busy and preoccupied.’ It wasn’t a complete lie. I was preoccupied. But if I really wanted to see him, I would have made the time. My issue is that I don’t usually make time for people I don’t know, because if I don’t know you, how do I know if I like you? And I don’t want to spend time with you unless I’m sure I’ll enjoy your company. I realize this approach is going to make dating very difficult, but let’s save that for later.
Anyway, because I’m not hugely invested in this ‘relationship,’ I decided to be totally honest. I told him I was busy freezing my eggs. I told him I wanted to preserve my fertility because children and family are very important to me. I told him about the entire process. About the crazy shots, the insane estrogen spikes, the bloating, the procedure and the aftermath. And shockingly, he was impressed. He wanted to know more. He said he thought it was amazing that I would be so proactive. He then said that while he wasn’t ready to put a ring on my finger (I would hope not because I still have my tanlines from the last ring I had on my finger. I mean, seriously. I’ve been out with this guy ONCE), but he wanted to pursue a relationship and asked me what I thought.
What did I think? I thought ‘What the fuck?! Isn’t this whole family, baby conversation where you’re supposed to go running for the hills?!’ Of course, I didn’t say that. Instead, I sarcastically told him we should probably go out for another drink before making any big decisions about our future (I think the sarcasm may have been lost on him, and for that reason alone, I’ll probably flake on our next date as well).
While it was the weirdest conversation I had had all day (and working in advertising, I have some weird conversations), he did ask me a very good question: ‘what are you waiting for? are you waiting for a relationship? or are you waiting to hit a certain point in your career before using the eggs?’
While I’ve certainly considered having a baby on my own, nobody had every so pointedly asked me that question, and it got me thinking: what am I waiting for?
It’s not a matter of ‘making it’ in my career. I don’t even know what that means. Is there such a thing? Is there a destination where everyone who has made it resides and has children? I think not.
It’s not a man. In my experience with men, I’ve realized there is no such thing as need. There is want. There is desire. And if you’re lucky, you find a real partner, but everything I’ve achieved I’ve done without a man. Don’t get me wrong – a few have added value along the way, but I haven’t needed one to make my life what it is today. And while I would prefer to have a family with a mommy and a daddy, I’m not really waiting for a man.
So to answer that boy’s question, I have no idea. I guess I am waiting for my life to be right before I hatch my little eggs, I’m just not sure what ‘right’ means. But I’m working on it.